He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
