im holly from the hills drunk
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
