Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
