life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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