Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
