I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize