Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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