Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
