Kiss
Puke
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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