The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
