Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You are a booty call, not a friend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
