sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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