She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
