its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
time to smoke my breakfast
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
