So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
