They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
