If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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