He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
