scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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