I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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