so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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