Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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