4 words: hood of his car
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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