I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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