I'm eating all of the evidence.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
