I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
