my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
