I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
