If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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