I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize