If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
