People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
