I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
