I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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