Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
