I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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