btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
