I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
