No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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