I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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