talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
