walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize