By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
