you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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