Ketchup is God's man juice
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize