she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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