glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
