were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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