i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sext me about skeletons
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Two words: nipple clamps
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