I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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