Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
