hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
