That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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