yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
