Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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