she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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