you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
