I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
