And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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