i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
