I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
