you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize