I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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