Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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