i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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