Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
