My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
