paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
