I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
