3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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