Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize